Secret Love
by rei-blaze
Summary: Karin kept receiving notes and gardenia flowers from an unknown admirer. As it came to her discovery that the said 'unknown admirer' was the same person who was always chasing her; she wasn't, at all, thrilled. Instead, she felt something was wrong. And, her silent officemate sitting next to her; how was he involved in these matters? AU. One-shot.


**A/N:Oh,why, hello. Yes, I've got another story. And, yes, this is a one-shot. And, yes, it's another AU. Because I am still squeezing my mind for a canon!verse story. Hmm... 'sounds like a plan but for now, please read and enjoy this one!**

**Disclaimer: Tite Kubo owns Bleach.**

* * *

_Bright like summer, very much like your name,_

_You have no idea how your smile makes my day_

_When will be the time, I just always wonder,_

_That I will be able to see it closer._

_- H. A._

Just dime a dozen note. Maybe, not to others, but to Karin, it was. It had been more than a month since she started receiving those notes - love letters from a secret admirer, as how her twin sister loved to call it. Every morning she arrived on their office, green, folded stationery was already waiting on her desk, and every single day, different message was written on each. There was only one thing which remained constant on those notes given - the gardenia flowers which always came along with them. Sometimes, Karin would find herself wondering if those white, fine flowers held a deep meaning to the mysterious guy (she supposed it was a guy), but to know what it was, she had, yet, to bring his real identity to light.

It was already like a habit of hers to observe her co-workers, and to see if she could get a clue from them. But luck was very elusive. And, the guy was good at keeping this entire chiller running, she would give him that.

The only tangible inklings, which Karin had about him, were his pen craft and the initials, H. A., which were actually both not too solid for a starting point in connecting the dots. For one; given that most paper works in the office were done through computers and photocopy machines, ghost of a chance that she would be able to find any handwritten documents which she could use to compare the penmanship. Furthermore, if the guy was very cagey so as not to blow up his cover, then he would just simply change the strokes of his handwriting to make confusion. And then, H. A. was, for sure, not base on his real name since none among Karin's co-workers was having those initials. Of course, it should be expected that he would not give the hot leads which were very obvious. The acronym for those two letters was another thing that she would be able to know only upon coming across the real person behind.

Sentimentality wasn't her style, but recently, she built an assuetude of keeping those letters in a small memory box in her apartment, and she found herself growing attach to those written messages. There were chances when she was in a foul mood and she would just go back to them and read, then by some means, they would make her feel at ease.

In addition, her office desk had become livelier now because of the every day, fresh gardenia flowers adorning it. She had even bought a vase just particularly for them, and now it was sitting beside her family's photo frame. Those white flowers, proudly blooming in beauty, could always make her relax in the middle of her works. Sometimes, she would just stare at them, as if trying to get them to talk and spill the secrets of the person who gave them to her.

Her officemates, who noticed, that simple but significant change, always asked why she started having an interest to gardenias but no one had came into a conclusion that they were just actually given by 'secret admirer.' And, anyway, she didn't have any plan of telling it to them for she knew how people could get excited about some highly-seasoned issues.

"Because gardenias remind me of someone." The answer was always bounded to that statement. Because even if anyone would ask about that 'someone', what could be the possible information that she could give them? What did she know about him? Definitely squat.

It was just ironic how those white flowers reminded her of someone whom she didn't have any little bit of idea, at all.

Karin sighed before carefully tucking the green piece of paper on the small pocket of her shoulder bag. It had been more than a month, and she had never, yet, made any cover ground in unfolding the identity of her mystery man.

She picked the new gardenias lying on her desk then sat down on her chair. Fluorescent lamp was what met her eyes when she tilted her head facing up. White flowers brightened through the light as she held them above her face and stared at them.

"H. A.," she breathed. "Should I already give up finding out who you really are?"

She didn't need to worry that someone would hear her for, at the time, no one was around in the office, hitherto, aside from her. Just the usual. If the first person who arrived in the workplace wasn't her, then it was just surely none other than the occupant of the desk next to her. Always, it was only either her or him, Hitsugaya Toushirou.

"...'Morning."

Speak of the devil.

"Oi, good morning." She fixed her position and replaced the flowers in the vase. "It's you and me again, huh? We, seriously, deserve to be awarded as the most punctual employees, don't you think?"

The way the man sat down without looking at her was already telling that he wasn't interested. But, at least, he pretended to care.

"Hn."

The message was there, and it wasn't too vague for Karin to not understand. But for someone like her who was too stubborn to accept being ignored when she was making an effort to be nice, Toushirou's indifference was not going to work at her. "I am trying to make a conversation here, am I not?"

"I am listening." And, still, Toushirou wasn't the kind who would easily bite Karin's trick. He was already very acquainted on the woman's sarcasms.

"Geez, you're no fun, Toushirou."

No reaction was given, and Karin instantly knew that the conversation was already over. When Toushirou had already shut himself like this, it was chance in a million that she would be still able to get anything from him.

She watched as Toushirou busied himself on his computer and started tapping the keyboards. Since there were couples of times that he arrived in the office earlier than she was, Toushirou knew that Karin had a 'secret admirer', and that those gardenias were given to her together with letters. But being a person who didn't talk much more than what was all-important, he never spoke nor did he ask about it. To Karin, that didn't matter anymore. For as long as Toushirou would keep it from their other co-workers, she wasn't bothered, at all.

Karin kept staring at him and couldn't help but to smile slightly seeing how Toushirou was very focus on what he was doing. Frankly, one thing that she found interesting in the office was this quiet man.

He was attractive, that was beyond question. A living evidence that 'cool' and 'hot' were not impossible to put together. But, what Karin saw to be fond of him was more than an eye could see. His hidden traits, that was. Toushirou wasn't exactly as self-centered as he was portraying himself. Behind the cold surface was actually a real, soft person.

For being seated nearest to him, Karin had already seen that side of him for countless times. Every time she was having troubles on her works in the office, Toushirou was always there to assist her. She didn't need to ask; he had the initiative to offer his help. And what was more admirable about him was the fact that nothing was heard from him about those good things he had done. In fact, Karin doubted if he even noticed how nice he had been to her. Toushirou was just too kind for his own good.

Karin came apart from her reverie when she heard him grumbled.

"It's only in the morning, and the AC's are not even helping to make the temperature of this office better."

She snickered. Add that to the list of the things that she found adorable about him. His short-tempered attitude especially during hot weathers.

"...'Mind sharing what was funny?" Toushirou sarcastically asked, a snowy brow shooting up.

"Nah, I just realized that you are much cuter than I thought." Karin grinned before turning to her own computer and starting to work. She looked around the office. Just came to think of it, their other officemates had already arrived and she didn't even notice earlier.

Everything had become less arid recently, she thought.

...

After lunch break, Karin walked back to the office and arranged her things on the table; Toushirou hadn't come back, yet. She was about to sat down when she caught a sight of someone whose existence in the office had almost never been good news to her. Hirano Takaaki. It wasn't because the guy didn't like her, and that he was trying to bully her or something. On the contrary, Hirano admired her very much and that was actually the problem. Ever since her first day of working in the office, the guy had been chasing for her. He had no qualms of announcing his 'undying love' for her in spite of her multiple, straightforward rejections. He just didn't know how to give up and it was a shame that his efforts would just end up to nothing.

It shouldn't be taken in a wrong way. Hirano was charming, smart and kind. One of their company's greatest asset and could be a good candidate for a woman's ideal man.

Alas. For Karin, he was just a good friend. Nothing more.

Sighing, Karin looked away but quickly made a second take when she noticed that he was reading something. Her eyes widened in recognition. Wasn't that the green stationery, similar to those she was receiving everyday?

Eager to prove her suspicion, Karin barreled to where Hirano was.

"Takaaki," she said as steady as possible.

Upon acknowledging her voice, Hirano smiled up at him. "Karin-chan, can I help you?"

Karin brushed off his way of calling her and focused on her main objective. Eyeing the paper in his hand, she asked, "Is it you?"

"Huh? What do you mean, Karin-chan?" His expression was an easy mark. Likewise, his tone was above suspicion. But who knew if it was only an act?

Karin slammed her hand in his table, Hirano flinched. He wasn't given the time to react, when Karin snatched the stationery in his hand.

_My dear, you are really one of a kind_

_I like you very much, but I can only have it on my mind_

_Because if I told it you, will you be able to accept?_

_I am afraid that if I did, your answer will be, "Reject."_

_H. A._

Karin's hand was shaking as she read it. She looked at Hirano. "This note. I am receiving something similar to this every day. Together with the gardenia flowers. Tell me, Takaaki. Are those from you? If not, why do you have this one? Do you know who H. A. is?"

The initial confusion on Hirano's feature didn't go unnoticed by Karin. But, it didn't take a minute long when he put on a bright expression and answered, "O-of course. Who else are you expecting? I am H. A., Hirano Aki. Yes, Aki's my nickname. So that's what H. A. stands for." He scratched the back of his head, acting like a nervous, love struck teenager.

_Maybe_, Karin thought, _he isn't, yet, ready to reveal himself_. As much as she wasn't prepared for this. Her mystery man was the same guy who had always been following her like a lost puppy. And, it made much sense.

She didn't know how to react. The overwhelming feeling, that she was suppose to have, wasn't there. Here was H. A., standing in front of her. The man whose letters had always eased her loneliness. The man whose gardenias had often made her smile. And possibly, the mysterious man that she had grown to love.

Shouldn't she be happy that she was finally able to know his real identity? That and the fact that he was not just a mere illusion? But why was that, the revelation didn't fire her up, anyhow?

"So, uhm, Karin-chan. Now that you know that it's me. H. A., I mean. Do you think you can already give me chance?"

That amplified fast. But, maybe... Just maybe, she could give it a shot.

"Y-yeah, sure, I guess," Karin answered, reluctantly.

"Really? Wow, yes!" Hirano beamed and pulled her into a hug. "I am sure you will not regret it, Karin-chan."

"Uh-huh." She smiled weakly but she didn't make an effort to hug him back. When she looked back at her table, she noticed that Toushirou had already come back, and he was looking at them impassively. He looked away when he noticed that her eyes were directed to him.

A feeling of uneasiness was starting to surface on her as she kept staring at Toushirou. Why did she feel like she was doing something very wrong?

...

The silence inside the elevator was biting, and she didn't think she could stand it.

"This had been a really busy day. Do you think we will still have lots of works tomorrow?" Karin wanted to start a conversation. It was just very awkward if they were not going to talk, given they were the only persons inside.

Toushirou gave a response, but it wasn't the answer to her question. "Will your boyfriend not going to drive you home?"

Karin was taken aback. It wasn't like him to give a damn on those kinds of matters; let alone, ask about it. Either way, unlike him, she chose to answer. "I told him that I will still drop by my sister's apartment so he doesn't already need to worry. Maybe, tomorrow I can ride with him."

The door of the elevator opened and before he stepped out, he said, "I see. Congratulations, by the way."

The emotion in the statement was too empty, but the effect of it to Karin weighed too much. She never thought that the single word of 'congratulations', supposed to make anyone grateful, could give a sudden pang on her chest. Additionally, there was no logic as to why the words of a person, less significant to her, affected her heavily.

Less significant. If Toushirou was really like that in her life; she wasn't sure, anymore.

.

* * *

It had been four days. Since Karin and Hirano started dating. Since the last time Karin received notes and gardenias. Since she began feeling weird around Toushirou. And, since Toushirou had become more distant to her for a reason that she didn't know. Four days, a short time if someone was going to think about it. And, yet, a lot of things had changed.

"Why aren't you giving me those notes and flowers, anymore?" Karin inquired, one time, while Hirano was driving his car. It was lunch break, and they planned to eat outside.

"Eh, do you really like them that much?"

"I just miss them, I guess."

She wasn't the type to ache for such things but those past gifts from him were a different story. Somehow, they had already taken a big role on her life.

"But the bouquet of red roses I gave you yesterday is much better, right?"

"Maybe. But say, why did you choose to give me gardenias before? What does gardenia means to you?"

"Huh? No especial meaning, really. I just wanted to."

Karin frowned. This wasn't what she was expecting to hear.

"Anyway," Hirano continued as he stopped his car in a parking lot near a restaurant, "Does it really matter? What matter is that we are already together, right?"

Hirano lifted her chin and, slowly, he leaned in. It wouldn't take a smart person to know what was going to happen. For some baffling reason, an image of Toushirou flashed on Karin's mind, and inexplicably, with that, she felt like she couldn't do it. It wasn't right.

Before Hirano could kiss her, she had already pushed him.

"I... I'm sorry but I can't do this."

The man gave her a dismayed expression before sighing and looking in front of his car. "Hitsugaya. Because of him, isn't at?" he asked calmly.

Surprised, Karin replied, "W-what? He's not... I mean..." She shook her head. "No, I don't know."

How did he even arrive into that?

"I see. Maybe you don't realize it as for now. But I am already the one telling you, Karin-chan, you like him. I am not blind to not see how you do." Hirano chuckled lowly. "And I even thought I will be able to steal his place in your heart when I claimed that I am your secret admirer."

Another surprise. More confuse than earlier, Karin grabbed his collar and forced him to look at her.

"Are you telling me that it isn't you?!"

"I am sorry, Karin-chan, I didn't mean to do it."

"B-but the initials fit your name!"

"It was only a coincident."

"Then, how about the note which you were reading? How will you explain that to me?"

"I'm sorry. I only saw it on the floor in between your table and Hitsugaya's. I thought it was only a scratch so I picked it."

That was enough to break down all things. Now it was clear why she never saw any connection between H. A. and Hirano, and why her impression when reading H. A.'s notes was very far from her feelings every time she was with Hirano.

Her grip on his shirt loosened. She bowed her head low, a few locks covering her face. She was too burnt out to speak any word. She was too bugged up to feel more.

"I am really sorry."

"Forget it." Her reply was faint. Apologies; what could they still be good enough for if the great adversity was already done?

...

Damn Hirano for deluding her. Damn Toushirou for bringing her into confusion. Damn H. A. for being a caitiff to disclose the true him. Karin felt the worst and even how much she cursed those who were liable for it; it didn't help to make her feel better.

She rested her head on her table, her cheek pressed on the cold surface as she faced Toushirou's little office space. Staring at his table and his empty seat, she noted that he was really organized with his things. The papers were neatly filed and placed near his computer, and all his office supplies were in order.

For the lack of better things to do, she stayed like that, building castles in the air, until a voice had snatch her back to Earth.

"You look terrible."

Instinctively, a small smile escaped from her lips. Now that she heard it again, she realized that she really loved the voice, regardless, if it was often guarded.

"Thank you," she answered as Toushirou pulled his chair and sat down.

His teal eyes stared at her unmoving form. "I'm serious."

"Uh-huh." Karin placed both hands on the table's surface and brought her head up. "What are you still doing here?"

"I often stay over time, so that should be a question for you."

The reply wasn't given right away. Karin stared in space for a while before speaking, "I just don't feel like going home, yet."

Toushirou was bright. A further statement wasn't required for him to tell that Karin wasn't comfortable to talk about it but she needed someone to understand what was inside her. The choice wasn't his but hers, and all what he could only do was to give the assurance that whatever she called for, it would be fine with him. If she wanted to keep it, he wouldn't push her. If she wanted to tell it, he would listen.

His silence drove Karin to continue. "Takaaki lied. He said he was H. A."

"H. A.? Are you talking about..."

"Yeah, H. A., y'know, the mysterious, chicken-hearted bastard who was giving those notes and flowers to me. The initials are my only clue about him."

Toushirou appeared surprise on what she said. "Didn't you date Hirano because you like him?"

His question wasn't a buffoonery aimed to make her crack but Karin found the need to laugh at it. "He made me believe he was the mysterious guy."

"So, you broke up when you discovered it wasn't him. Are you expecting H. A. to be somebody else?"

It wasn't certain what odd vibes had hit the atmosphere to make them both a tad bit off character. He wasn't a man of many questions, especially if the issue didn't have anything to do with him. She wasn't the type to easily open up something very personal to others, aside from her family. And, both of them were not into these kinds of conversations, but then, this day was a far cry.

"I am not expecting anyone in particular. But, at least, I expected him to be someone who can make me feel comfortable and make me smile even without putting an effort. Someone whose mere presence can already make my day."

The other words were left unspoken for he didn't already need to hear them.

_Almost, like you._

"And, Takaaki wasn't any of those," she continued, "But, I guess I am just really using H. A. as an excuse. Takaaki was right. I couldn't return his love because my feelings are already reserved for someone else. All this time, I am in-love with that someone and I just didn't realize."

Funny. She was already confessing, but he didn't even have any idea that the one she was talking was him. If only she had the enough courage to make it more obvious, and if only he wasn't too dense.

If Karin would turn her eyes to Toushirou, she would surely notice the way he looked at her. Disappointed and casted off.

"And H. A.?" he asked, his volume low, as well. "What do you feel about him?"

"I don't know. How am I supposed to describe how I feel for a person whom I don't know, at all?"

"Right," he breathed. "Are you going to tell him, then? I mean the person you like?"

_I already did._

"I am afraid." For a Kurosaki, it was not typical to easily admit it. But she wasn't a stone. She had feelings, and knew how to be scared. And this was one of her greatest fear. "I am afraid to hear his answer, and to know that it's an unrequited love."

Again, she laughed, lowly. "This is pathetic. I am acting like the lovesick leading lady in a romance drama that my sister always watches."

Toushirou didn't reply. Karin's gaze went to the vase on her table. The last gardenia she received was still there; it was almost wilting. Absentmindedly, she whispered, "H. A. Maybe, if he will learn to man up and show his self to me. Maybe, somehow, it will lessen my bearings." She reached for the flower and took it out from the vase. Staring on it, she continued, "Gardenia... I wonder what it means."

She wasn't expecting an answer to that, but Toushirou gave her one. "It means you are lovely."

Karin looked at Toushirou in surprise, and felt her face warmed when she realized that he was firmly staring at her. He only answered her question, she knew, and not because he thought she was lovely. But, it didn't help that his eyes were like saying that every words were really meant for her.

"Y-yeah?"

"Yeah," he answered, "And, then, a symbol... for secret love."

Karin's eyes widened and she looked back at the gardenia in her hand. "Secret love. That makes sense. But, how do you know about it?" She turned back to him.

Toushirou was like weighing something on his mind. Then, wordlessly, he pulled his drawer and took out a small notebook and a pen. Karin watched curiously as he scribbled something.

The sound of the paper been tore off was a sign that he was done. He put his things back on the drawer before walking towards her.

"Here" He handed the folded paper to her, and as soon as she accepted it, he turned away. "I have to go."

Karin watched as he disappeared to the exit. Confused, she turned to paper he gave her and she unfolded it.

Her breathing almost stopped with what she saw. An elegant, cursive style of handwriting; one which was very familiar to her and one which, in a long time, she had been trying to uncover as to whom it belonged.

_Will you really feel better if I tell you it's me?_

_Karin, all I only wanted is for you to be happy_

_Your eyes, I hate to see them depressed and sad_

_Please smile, you're much beautiful with that_

_-**H**imitsu no **A**i (Secret Love)_

"It... It's T-Toushirou..." Her voice was trembling. Her hand was shaking, but it was at odds from what she felt before when she thought it was Hirano. If back then, she trembled because she didn't want to believe it, this time, she was shaking because the emotions were too intense. Surprise, excitement, and possibly, joy.

Why didn't she notice it before? The elegance. The thoughtfulness. The deepness held in a few words. They shouted only one name. Hitsugaya Toushirou.

"That bastard." She laughed but her voice sounded like she was already about to cry.

The person she loved or the person who loved her. Toushirou or H. A. Just earlier, she was conflicted because of them. Just earlier, she almost gave up on finding out who H. A. really was. Just earlier, she was afraid about her feelings for Toushirou for it was like a gun was pointed on her chest and one wrong word, it would pull the trigger and a gunshot would break her heart. But, all along, there was no reason to be conflicted; there was no reason to be afraid. The gun didn't have any bullet, from the very beginning, because the person she loved was the same person who loved her... in secret.

...

Toushirou knew that after his revelation, everything would never be the same. But the changes, about to happen, weren't the ones that he was expecting.

Karin was already there when he arrived at the office, the next day. It wasn't a surprise to him that she didn't greet him like the usual. If she decided to give him the silent treatment, he understood. He sat down, and that was when he saw a purple thing on the top of his paper files. Perplexed, he picked it and held in a decent distance from his eyes to check it better. Upon recognition, his eyes went wide; a sign of incredulity.

The thing was an ambrosia flower. If he knew the meaning of gardenia, certainly, it wasn't different with the ambrosia.

Toushirou turned to the person who, he suspected, had leave it there. She seemed like she was enjoying his reaction. He stood up and walked to her.

"K-Karin, do you know what it means?" He asked, holding the flower in between them.

Karin frowned and stood up. Putting her hand on her hip, she answered, "Are you insulting me? I stayed late last night just to research for that, and I woke up early this morning to look for that in a flower shop. That question isn't the credit that I was expecting to receive, y'know?"

"Okay. I get it. I get it." Toushirou paused for a moment, intently looking at her. Then, sighing, he continued, "But I don't think I can accept it."

Karin narrowed her eyes. "Give me a reason why you can't."

He remained silent for a while. Looking everywhere but her, he said, "I never regret my feelings for you, Karin."

"But, then?"

"It wasn't right. I mean, maybe, you like me but as H. A., not the real me, not as Toushirou. And... And, didn't you say that you love someone else?"

So that was it. After hearing those words, Karin thought she couldn't hold it, anymore. Without a care of what he would think to her, she laughed. Really hard. She couldn't really blame Toushirou for saying those words. After all, the identity of the person, she liked, was still unknown to him.

Toushirou scowled, thinking what was funny with what he said. When she ceased from laughing, Toushirou asked, "Are you done?"

She grinned.

"Now, would you mind to explain why are you laughing?"

"I just confess to that 'someone' I like, and you know what?"

Toushirou just raised his eyebrow at her statement; her cue to continue.

"I think he is not as smart as everyone think he is. Oh, well, story telling time!" She chimed the last part, and she didn't already give him the chance to ask what she meant when she started narrating a story.

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who fall in-love with a mysterious person who kept sending flowers to her. She did her best to find who the guy was, but what she always got was a devil's way of luck."

Toushirou blinked, lacking any idea as to what Karin was up to.

"Then, one day, the princess realized that she was also in-love with a prince of the neighborhood palace. At first, the princess was confused for her feelings for the two men. But everything made sense in end when she discovered the mysterious guy's real identity was the prince. The princess made a decision to confess her feelings to the prince, and she promised that if the prince continued being dumb, she was going to smack his head to help him realize everything." Karin finished it with a confident smirk.

Priceless. That was the best word to describe Toushirou's expression after hearing everything. Intelligent was a false label to him if he still didn't get it, and Karin would hit his head, like what she said, if that was the case.

"I never thought you are into those kinds of fairy tales, Karin." Toushirou said as soon as he finally caught up. He sighed but, shortly, his lips curved upward.

"That's what I got for having a romance-novel-obsessed twin." Karin rolled her eyes.

Toushirou cleared the remaining distance between them. "Oh, right? But, you are really terrible story teller, my princess," he said before wrapping his arms to her and doing the thing that he had always been wanting to do.

He kissed her, and she gladly returned the act.

"Wait."

Out of disappointment when he pulled away, Karin pouted. For crying out loud, she was only warming up!

Toushirou chuckled seeing her reaction. This was what he was expecting for this woman he had fallen in love. "Our other officemates will be here in a few minutes."

Karin freed herself and folded her arms. "What do I care about them?" she said before stomping back to her table.

Looking at his hand, Toushirou noticed that he was still holding the purple flower.

Ambrosia. One which held the meaning of a reciprocated love.

He looked back at Karin, and smiled. Everything happened was almost all unforeseen. He didn't plan to fall for her. And, who would have thought that he could be able to make her fall in-love with him, twice, at the same time? As Toushirou whom she always saw, and as the mysterious man behind those notes and gardenias.

* * *

**A/N: Done! I hope you had a great time! Please review! Saankyu..**


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